I was having lunch with a dear colleague of mine, and we were talking about the challenges of our profession. In particular, the challenges in practicing family law. In the conversation, they told me about something interesting someone wrote on Facebook® regarding being a family law attorney. I didn’t read the post myself, but they described it something like this: “People wonder why I am a raging bitch. I will tell you why. I am a family law lawyer and I run a non-for profit on the side. Hell yeah, I am a raging bitch.” We laughed about this, but it got me thinking. It seems that it goes without saying that when you are a family law attorney, you must also behave like a horrible person. Of course, you have horrible manners! Of course, you are a caustic person who takes themselves entirely too seriously! This is so sad.

            I think there is a real misnomer out there that to practice family law is to get far too acquainted with the devil while here on earth. I think that is what those who practice family law are expected to be. Like you cannot really practice family law well without becoming the devil you now know. I kind of call bullshit on this. Yes, the family law practice can be very traumatic. Most people who decide to divorce or part from their partner do it amicably enough so as to not require court intervention. But for those persons who cannot seem to work out their differences upon their parting, enter in family law. So, for the most part, family law lawyers are navigating those clients who are themselves challenging in which to deal or their soon-to-be ex-spouse is. Am I wrong? Of course, I am not wrong! Those family law clients who ultimately end up in court have real difficulty compromising. Therefore, they go out and hire a family law attorney who they believe will be a “bulldog” and rather than encourage them to compromise, declare war on their soon-to-be ex and refuse to surrender. Because, of course, only bulldogs prevail in family court. So there goes the idea that in order to be any type of family law attorney, you need to be difficult, abrasive, and intolerable. Because, you have been hired by someone that has that expectation of you. But I think this is the big lie that has been allowed to proliferate through American family law jurisprudence.  

            You don’t have to be a “raging bitch” to practice family law. I find that those that are, rarely have the legal chops to truly back up their shitty attitude. It is most of the time a bullshit smokescreen to how poorly they know the law and how sloppy they practice. I think what you do have to be is an attorney who has a thick skin and the ability to withstand a whole lot of bullshit. You have to be able to call bullshit as well as put up with it (to a degree). Possessing those attributes don’t necessarily equate to you having to be a shithead. Behaving like a shithead attorney is the coward’s way of practicing family law. Be a jerk. Don’t compromise. Be non-responsive. Gas-light opposing counsel while in court, then have the chutzpah to charge your client out the ass for getting them absolutely nowhere. It doesn’t take a lot of energy and wit to have no class in family law.

             However, how can the family law practitioner that refuses to subscribe to this deleterious legal trope convince the ignorant vulnerable client that this is not “the way”? How can we convince our clients that the true path toward them having as positive as possible outcome in family court is representation by an attorney that knows the law, has good judgment and will not resort to such piss poor behavior? Well, I think the answer is that we can’t. Those clients that will get satisfaction by employing an attorney who learned their manners in a barn will never feel satisfied with a lawyer who is a class act. But, I truly wonder.

            I need to get some data about this topic. I am about to get into the field to do some research. To be continued….

*Image Credit: 222292706 © The London School of Economics and Political Science Library | Dreamstime.com