When you are a litigator, there are a few things you, unfortunately, have just got to get used to. You have to get used to getting yelled at. Period. No matter how long you have been in this game, no matter how good ole’ boy you feel that you are, a judge or someone deciding your matter is bound to raise their voice at you; rightly or wrongly. Gotta get used it. Or do we? Or should we? Or can we?     

            I used to love watching the show Sex and the City. Come on everyone. You know that show even if you didn’t watch it. One of the main characters, Samantha, is an amazing businesswoman. And it doesn’t hurt that she is ravishingly beautiful and loves her some…ahem…male company. As such, she is a character without fear. Nor does she seem to be phased when life throws her lemons. In one episode, she is trying to coach Carrie, the main character, through a publicity crisis of sorts. She turned to Carrie and told her that she had to be a lot more thick skinned than she was behaving. That scene always stuck with me. As litigators we need to be thick-skinned. Ready to take criticism, strong opposition and sometimes downright abuse in our jobs.

            But just because we must be ready to take the abuse, doesn’t mean that it all of a sudden feels comfortable to do so; or now we have thick skin. Do we? Just because we as litigators may have to get used to the abuse, doesn’t mean it feels comfortable taking it. It is never comfortable when you are getting your ass chewed out by a judge who clearly didn’t get a lunch that day. But do people who have thick skin get comfortable with this? Even though we tolerate it as we are litigators, does that tolerance mean we have developed a thick skin? Does having thick skin mean that one is more comfortable with enduring this kind of treatment? Does comfort in the abuse mean that we have achieved a sufficiently thick skin? Or does having thick skin have nothing to do with how one feels about enduring such things and more about the bare bones ability just to endure it?

            Having a thick skin may be the necessary mechanism for an enduring and lasting career as a litigator. Thick skin probably allows us to continue to return to the proverbial “ring” time and time again without having the continued experience weigh us down. It also may be a way for us to guard against the stress and strain of our professions from eating us alive. The thick skin is a barrier to our internalization of a lot of what is said to us in the courtroom. So perhaps thick skin helps us psychologically to not only continue on in the courtroom but also focus on those aspects of our profession that give us joy. I am continually looking for proactive ways we can highlight the aspects of our profession and everyday lawyer tasks. So perhaps the development of thick skin is one of those ways. Ultimately, I am not exactly sure how one pragmatically does this. I think there is a lot more to the development of a thick skin than just continuing to take abuse in open court. I think in addition to the experience part of it, one needs to practice and get good at separating out those experiences that are purely just antagonistic and those that deserve attention and consideration. Sometimes, you just have to tune out the noise. I know what you may be thinking: if the court is yelling at you, clearly you are wrong. I don’t subscribe to this way of thinking (hence my previous post entitled “Benched”, September 26, 2022). It is important to be able to discern between those experiences that are instructive and those that are purely critical. Other than that, I am not sure what allows us to develop a productive thick skin. Thoughts? Thoughts anyone?

*Image Credit: 5159265 © Mario Curcio | Dreamstime.com