This week I had a large filing deadline. We all know what that means. We are required to write and file some huge motion or proposed order for the court by a date certain or else. And I do mean or else.

               We as lawyers are ruled by deadlines, aren’t we? Regardless as to whether or not you are an attorney that goes to court or not, our work is expected to be performed on a certain timeline. Whether that timeline is set by a judge or a client, we are always under some sort of deadline, aren’t we? For me, this week was a large one that I had to get done.

               Clearly, I love to write, as I am writing and continue to write on this blog. I actually like legal writing as well. But there is something about the weight of a filing deadline that can suck all of the inspiration and creativity out of whatever I am writing. Does this happen to other people? The mere existence of a dictated deadline just drains us of the inspiration to write and write well, mind you. When this happens, and I have a writing deadline looming, I notice that my ability to write well and express myself as eloquently as I know I can is greatly reduced. What is it about a filing deadline? All of a sudden, when I know I have a filing deadline, even if I am looking forward to writing this particular motion or order, a pre-set deadline makes me dread sitting at my computer to write. Which is a real bummer to me, as I love to write! Then, after I have filed my motion or order, I go back and re-read it just to torture myself.

             Another thing I realize about this type of writing block is when I am writing something new or something I have not written before. It is almost like I freeze and the joy of actually writing what I am writing goes out the window. I think this is linked to a fear that we almost never communicate to one another as attorneys; the fear of fucking it all up. When other attorneys admit to me that they too perhaps didn’t know what to write or are questioning whether or not they actually wrote on what was expected to by the Court, it makes me feel so much better. I am not alone! I know we are attorneys that are supposed to know what to write all the time, but damn it…sometimes we are all looking at one another and shrugging our shoulders.

              The day of my filing deadline, I had told one of my son’s teachers about the fact that I had this deadline and was probably going to be up late. The next day, they asked me if I had gotten it done. Of course, I did (my OCD would not let me miss this….and also there is malpractice to contend with). But they also asked me if I was satisfied with what I wrote. I immediately responded, hell no! We need to stop expecting of ourselves to know everything. Often, when we are crafting legal arguments and setting them down on the page, the answer is not all that obvious. Hence, why we are needing to make the legal argument to persuade the Court in the first place. I think we can sometimes forget that. There cannot be that expectation that whatever we write will always hit the nail on the head, be legal poetry and of course make our side prevail. That is not possible. I think we need to take the time to revel in the fact that we are just trying to figure this shit out. We write to often times persuade the reader to agree with our legal position. So we are going to have to accept that sometimes, we may be at a loss for how to write it if the answer is not all that obvious or cannot be found from some case on point. It is okay to not know the answer and try to figure it out through the process of our writing. I mean, isn’t that the point?

              We work hard and write sometimes until our fingers want to fall off. We need to honor our efforts to put our arguments on the page and honor the fact that we are making the arguments we are making. Let’s not be too hard on ourselves. When we step forward with our writing, regardless of what it is we are writing, it is really important to try and not look back too hard and criticize. There will be sometimes where we get it right and hit the nail on the head. And there will be times when that doesn’t happen. But I think more effort is necessary to try and take misery out of what is actually a very interesting and fulfilling process.